The Forgotten Mothers

This morning I finished filling out Mother’s Day cards for my mom, Colin’s mom, and Nanny. I am full of love and admiration for these great women in my life and the role they play in the lives of their children.

Mother’s Day is a “holiday” that is unique to each person. Some women are great mom’s and deserve a celebration. Others, like myself, have the BEST mom is the universe and should recognize this positive influence.

All of these niceties aside, Mother’s Day can, for many, be a dreaded reminder of deep sadness, loss and longing. It has the potential to be very isolating, and many women will choose to skip attending their usual Sunday morning church service, because all too often the predictable “standing of the moms” during the service is like rubbing salt into a wound. These women are the "forgotten mothers."

For me the complexities of Mother’s Day often just leaves me feeling numb. As many of my blog readers already know, I am a birth mother. My son is now eight years old and has an amazing adoptive family. When I gave him up at seventeen there is no way that I could have foreseen that I would one day be in a marriage where I could not have a baby. Talk about ironic.

Most of my married girlfriends have, at this point, had their first baby; many are working on their second. It’s exhausting to have people continually asking Colin and I when we’re going to start having kids. PEOPLE: your constant questioning just highlights our infertility. STOP ASKING. We’ve been married for five and half years and I guess that’s just the time that people expect us to have babies. If we could produce a child we would have by now.

This weekend I am scheduled to lead worship at church, one service on Saturday evening and three on Sunday morning. It continually amazes me the unique ways that God brings me into situations where I’m forced to look outside of myself, not allowing me to wallow in depression or sadness. Going into this weekend I’m feeling very raw, but I know that I have a perspective on Mother’s Day that allows me to remember the hurting women in our congregation and to relate to them on a level that can bring healing and contentment in Christ alone.

I’m teaching a new song called The Greatness of Our God to our church. The lyrics have really been speaking to me this week.

Give me eyes to see more of who You are

May what I behold still my anxious heart

Take what I have known and break it all apart

For You my God, are greater still

And no sky contains, no doubt restrains all You are

The greatness of our God

I’ll spend my life to know, and I’m far from close to all You are

The greatness of our God

Give me grace to see beyond this moment here

To believe that there is nothing left to fear

And that You alone are high above it all

For you my God, are greater still

And there is nothing that could ever separate us

There is nothing, that could ever separate us from Your love

No life, no death, of this I am convinced

That you my God, are greater still

So I can rest knowing that I serve a God that is greater then the loss of a son and my longing for a child of my own. There is nothing that can separate me from the love that he has for me. He can give me the grace to see beyond the current circumstances in my life- He is HIGH above it all. He cares deeply about my pain and grief, and he has AMAZING plans for my future.

Thank you Jesus for reminding me of your love. Continue to use me to bless and encourage others. On Sunday help us to honor the great mothers that we know, but also remember the woman sitting in church that has so much guilt over an abortion, the birth mother that longs for the child she gave away, the woman who has suffered from a miscarriage, and the barren women that don’t understand why they are not given the opportunity to mother.